Why do I coach moms? Well that’s easy. It’s because I have motherhood all figured out and wish to share my expertise. I want to help more women be winners in the huge, unspoken but ever-present motherhood competition!
True, it’s hard to tell when you’re winning or even have a decent lead, but if you can just stay in control and get enough done, you can be sure that nobody will ever whisper or think that you are lagging or lacking in any way. It takes steely determination, but don’t worry, I can help you finally get your act together!
All you have to do is admit that you are, well, not a loser exactly, but someone who might need to hire a life coach.
No. I am just kidding! That is the opposite of why I coach moms. THE OPPOSITE!
Nobody has motherhood all figured out. If someone did, that person still wouldn’t be an expert on how you should be a mother. That is your area of expertise.
Also, there is no competition. You probably knew that.
We’re all in the same boat. Everyone has parts her life that run smoothly and parts that are rough going.
Because we are social animals, we tend to look around and compare ourselves to our peers, creating an imaginary, amorphous competition where the rules keep shifting and the goal is undefined. Deep down we feel a little smug about our strengths and even deeper, really crappy about our weaknesses.
• Maybe I am super organized and punctual (a strength!), but struggle with unwanted post-pregnancy pounds (a pain). How do I feel when a mother of twins who looks like Giselle in size 2 Lululemons saunters into yoga 10 minutes late?
• Perhaps my child is beautifully behaved (yay!), but I am uncomfortable in social situations (sad). What do I think about that group of close friends chatting away while their kids run wild?
• I might be the queen of home safety (phew), but have trouble letting go of worry (ugh). How do I view the mother of five whose hearty, resilient children seem to be fine even though they practically play in traffic.
You can probably call to mind similar scenes from your own life and remember how you’ve felt. Situations like these bring up tight, closed-off feelings that cover up a deeper layer of raw discomfort. We judge other moms to make ourselves feel secure, but the cost is the sting of harsh thoughts we imagine others forming about us. We feel tense and icky, but in a way that’s so familiar we barely notice the toll it’s taking on our health and our relationships. The imaginary mom competition saps our energy and limits our happiness in countless ways.
Of course, competition isn’t all bad. In team sports, for instance, competition can inspire your best work. The little fire in your belly that drives you to win can make you innovative and resilient. With a worthy opponent in mind, you’re likely to draw on and develop the strengths of everyone on your team. All of this engaged, focused effort can lead to spectacular achievement, human connection and lots of celebratory high-fiving.
Personally, I am terrible at sports, but pretty good at coaching. I can help you enjoy the benefits of healthy competition — the commitment to discovering your best self and the courage to let it shine — without the ick-factor of comparing yourself to other moms.
We can do this by expanding the notion of who’s on your team. You are an excellent prospect for the all-parents-everywhere team. (This team also includes anyone who cares about children and all people who once were children.) With us, every strength of every mom is an asset to your team. Every weakness is a chance to reach out to each other for support.
On this team you contribute by being yourself, with grit and gusto. Guess who always wins at that? You! Your family wins, too, because your true, strong, uniquely beautiful self is a total jackpot.
You’ve got small triumphs to cherish, gifts to offer and big dreams to chase. Go ahead and be amazing. Listen… you can practically hear the team cheering you on.
Dropping the mom-competition drama and stepping into your true, undefended self can be scary. Happily, I have lots tricks and tools to make it easier and more fun. That’s why I coach moms!
Oh, and when moms are free to work on the same team with the serious, super-powers that come with the job–powers such as love, compassion, mama-bear strength, creativity and practical problem solving–the whole world wins.
Is a little part of you hopping up and down, hand-raised saying, “Yes! Pick me! Pick me!”?
You’re on the team. Congratulations! Now, to really give it your all, you might want to hire a coach.